Bad Days
How do you fix an already broken day? I was tested today, and failed. I had already made up my mind, that today was destined to be "one of those days". Guess what? It was, and it got increasingly worse. It started with an e-mail, and before I knew it, I was fighting with my ex. My morning had just started, and I was instantly in a bad mood! Instead of taking a much needed time out to collect my thoughts, I began to do my daily routine. I literally felt that black cloud over me, and I was getting anxious and annoyed for no reason. Everything that happened, had already happened. Why let little things affect the rest of my day?
Well, I had a meltdown! I became a crazy woman, making the ones I loved uncomfortable. It was enough to clear out the room, as everyone was afraid to be near me. So I took a moment to cry, and turned on some Christian music. I didn't ask god to give me strength to get me through the rest of the day, nor did I allow myself enough time to recollect myself. I started cleaning, hoping the music would be enough to sooth my soul. Sometimes that is enough, but sometimes you just need to do a little bit more.
So what happened? I was stubborn! I wasn't willing to admit that something was wrong with me. I blamed everyone for the way I felt the whole day. I even tried taking a picture for my business profile, and cried. I felt so fat, and every picture I took I disliked. I had suddenly convinced myself I was ugly and fat, and began blaming my ex. I told him he ruins my diets with high carb dinners, and stresses me to the point of eating everything in the house. I heard the things coming out of my mouth, but had no control over my emotions. I let myself feel like this the whole day!!
By 7:00 PM, I had my last bit of rage. My daughters new outfit had come up missing, and I thought I was going to lose it. I have 3 children, and because my youngest is special needs; money is tight. Losing that outfit, was like throwing away money for me. I felt this rage inside of me that I knew if I didn't calm down, I'd do something regrettable. I went to my room and took a much needed time out. I began to realize just how crazy I was being, and was actually quite embarrassed. I had to apologize to my family, and make it up to them with a movie night.
So where did I go wrong? I'll tell you! I told myself I was going to have "one of those days". I had already cursed my day. I have had days that would have made today look like a day at the fair. But I didn't curse my day like that! I'd tell myself, "while that sucked, it's just a small bump in the road. It just wasn't meant to be, or it was just suppose to happen that way". For example; I woke up last week to a flat tire, and had to be at an appointment in 15 minutes. I felt slightly anxious, but then reminded myself of a story I had once heard. I told myself "maybe god is looking out for you. Maybe if you weren't held up filling this tire, you would have gotten into a accident that could have killed you." It was such a good feeling I gave myself. I suddenly felt so good about the delay, and I still got in for my appointment.
Things don't always happen as we would like them to. I had realized after a long emotional day, that I didn't want another day like that. Satan is so good to implant these thoughts in our minds, just to watch us self destruct. I never once turned to god for help, or even praised him for a single moment where I didn't have a negative thought. Will I have another day I struggle to stay positive? Absolutely! But I'll try to remember not to use such negative words, to determine how my whole day will be. Maybe if I had told myself it'd be a good day regardless, the outcome would have been different.
